he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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