Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize