if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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