I think I died a long time ago.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
