Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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