I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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