just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
