let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
