Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
