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Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
