The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize