She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
