absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
