i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
