Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
