Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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