she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
