Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
