evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
