so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
