That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
