Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
