we have officially lost it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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