In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
