so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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