a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
