I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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