You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
