At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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