best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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