i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
