i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
