I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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