Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
