The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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