I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
