dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
