I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
