Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
