You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
