they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize