my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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