it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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