and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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