I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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