from now on my penis is your penis
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
