i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
