You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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