My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
