# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
