what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
