3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
