I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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