You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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