Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
