I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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