dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
