I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
