When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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