Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
