the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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