Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my shit smells like andre
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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