I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
