Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize