Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
