need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize