Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were destined to go to rehab together
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize