fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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