O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
