Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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