I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
