brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
