It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
