living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
