there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
