I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
