So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
