Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
