White coat. Heels.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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