Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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