He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
