If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
