but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
