What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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